As the clocks go back and we slip towards Winter, let’s remember that “Autumn is the year’s last loveliest smile.” (John Howard Bryant).

And a reminder to all those on boats, watch out for slips, trips and falls on these dewy mornings, and use your torch in the dark. Stay safe and enjoy the last joys of Autumn.

But I do hate to end on a downward trend…so for all of you keen Early-Bird Christmas Cake Bakers, and as a nod to the #GBBO, here’s an ‘alternative’ Christmas Cake recipe …

8 oz plain flour

8 oz butter

4 oz water (aka brandy)

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp salt

4 oz brown sugar

4 oz caster sugar

4 large eggs

8 oz dried fruit

4 oz mixed nuts

Juice of one orange or lemon

1 bottle of brandy


Sample the brandy to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the brandy again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat 8 ozs of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it’s best to make sure the brandy is still OK. Try another cup…Just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the b****y fruit up off the floor. Mix on the turner. If the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a screwdriver. Sample the brandy to check for tonsisisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt, Or something. Check the brandy. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or some fink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don’t forget to beat off the turnerer. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the brandy and wipe the counter with the cat.

Bingle Jells!

This is all given in the best possible taste and with every disclaimer going! 


Life always seems a little brighter if you add a dash of humour…please don’t take the above recipe too seriously!

We’ll meet again on the blog soon. Let me know if you’re enjoying it, or what topics are of interest to you.